LifeShrink at RSCPP
Therapist's Views on Life and News Email LifeShrink - LifeShrink@rscpp.co.uk
Resolutions
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Friday 29 January 2010 14:22 GMT London
What is a resolution? The dictionary defines it as a determination or decision. The new year is a time when people make resolutions because it is symbolic of a fresh start, the marker of a new beginning. But according to research from a psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire who interviewed 700 people, 78% fail to stick to their resolutions. Why is this? Many of the goals that people choose focus on a negative aspect, on giving up something such as alcohol, cigarettes or fattening food, all of which are notoriously difficult habits to kick and rely mainly on willpower.
What is a resolution? The dictionary defines it as a determination or decision. The new year is a time when people make resolutions because it is symbolic of a fresh start, the marker of a new beginning. But according to research from a psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire who interviewed 700 people, 78% fail to stick to their resolutions. Why is this? Many of the goals that people choose focus on a negative aspect, on giving up something such as alcohol, cigarettes or fattening food, all of which are notoriously difficult habits to kick and rely mainly on willpower.
Failure is dispiriting and can make you feel that you have no self-control. What about the 22% of people who are successful in sticking to their resolutions? It would appear that the answer is to set yourself a series of small realistic goals, focus on the positive benefits and reward yourself when you achieve one. Telling family and friends can help to motivate and encourage you. Perhaps the simplest of resolutions is not to make any.
The Meaning of Christmas
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Tuesday 15 December 2009 16:23 GMT London
Most of us are familiar with the Nativity story, the Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus, the three wise kings bearing gifts following their bright star to the manger in the stable. In Victorian times, new ways of celebrating the birth of Christ came into fashion, with the evergreen decorated fir tree, the exchange of gifts and cards, the singing of carols, the snow deep and crisp and even, so different from the little town of Bethlehem in Palestine. Many cultures and faiths mark the dark midwinter with lights and candles, with festivals such as Hannukah, St. Lucia and St. Nicholas, better known as Santa Claus, the father of Christmas in his red furry suit popping down the chimney to fill our stockings.
Today Christmas is celebrated with boozing and flirting at office parties, a shopping frenzy for the latest consumer goods to exchange with our loved ones, and an orgy of cooking and eating with our nearest and dearest. Little wonder family rituals often end in tears. Too much drink, too much food, too many presents, too many adrenalin-charged children. Too many expectations. What IS the meaning of Christmas? Sometimes less is more.
Today Christmas is celebrated with boozing and flirting at office parties, a shopping frenzy for the latest consumer goods to exchange with our loved ones, and an orgy of cooking and eating with our nearest and dearest. Little wonder family rituals often end in tears. Too much drink, too much food, too many presents, too many adrenalin-charged children. Too many expectations. What IS the meaning of Christmas? Sometimes less is more.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
Cast-offs or Cast-outs?
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Friday 11 December 2009 13:28 GMT London
'Cast-offs' is a Channel 4 docudrama about 6 people marooned on an island for 90 days. It is filmed like a reality show with each episode focussing on a different participant. There is a pregnant deaf woman, a blind man, a dwarf, a thalidomide victim, a woman with a disfigured face and a paraplegic in a wheelchair. Is it stereotyping, does it mock the afflicted? Is it exploitative? It is fictional with actors and a script, so how contrived is it?
This is an intriguing and thought-provoking series, provocative, poignant and humorous. But are we really interested in the plot? Do we really care about these fictional characters or about the actors’ real disabilities? The programme raises all the usual issues and problems that we all share, whether abled or disabled. It is about survival and isolation in a wider sense. Disabled people have the same concerns and feelings as the rest of us.
'Cast-offs' is a Channel 4 docudrama about 6 people marooned on an island for 90 days. It is filmed like a reality show with each episode focussing on a different participant. There is a pregnant deaf woman, a blind man, a dwarf, a thalidomide victim, a woman with a disfigured face and a paraplegic in a wheelchair. Is it stereotyping, does it mock the afflicted? Is it exploitative? It is fictional with actors and a script, so how contrived is it?
This is an intriguing and thought-provoking series, provocative, poignant and humorous. But are we really interested in the plot? Do we really care about these fictional characters or about the actors’ real disabilities? The programme raises all the usual issues and problems that we all share, whether abled or disabled. It is about survival and isolation in a wider sense. Disabled people have the same concerns and feelings as the rest of us.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
Stressed Out
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Friday 4 December 2009 12:38 GMT London
Stress is what we experience when we are under too much pressure. Levels vary for every individual, some people thrive under pressure. It’s fight or flight. Causes of stress include problems at work or within the family, financial difficulties, bereavement, moving house. You may experience symptoms such as palpitations and chest pains, sweating and dizziness, digestive problems, aching muscles, insomnia, high blood pressure. Stress can lead to tearfulness and anger, anxiety and depression.
If stress is adversely affecting your life you probably need to talk to your GP or a therapist. There are ways of managing stress:
Stress is what we experience when we are under too much pressure. Levels vary for every individual, some people thrive under pressure. It’s fight or flight. Causes of stress include problems at work or within the family, financial difficulties, bereavement, moving house. You may experience symptoms such as palpitations and chest pains, sweating and dizziness, digestive problems, aching muscles, insomnia, high blood pressure. Stress can lead to tearfulness and anger, anxiety and depression.
If stress is adversely affecting your life you probably need to talk to your GP or a therapist. There are ways of managing stress:
- Prioritise your time, set boundaries and stick to them.
- Set achievable and realistic goals, take it one day at a time.
- Do something physical every week. Walk, run, swim, dance, go to the gym.
- Listen to music, read a book, watch a DVD. Try cooking or gardening.
- Eat regularly and healthily, don’t drink too much.
- Practise yoga, meditation, relaxation, or massage.
- Talk to your partner, family and friends.
- Look for positives, see that the glass is half full.
The Power of Myth – Narcissus and Echo
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Tuesday 24 November 2009 17:26 GMT London
Narcissus was a handsome young man who was loved by the nymph Echo. She pined away so much for him that all that was left was her plaintive voice, which could only repeat what she heard. One day she followed him to a pool in a clearing. Narcissus saw his reflection in the pool and fell in love. When he said, “you’re so beautiful”, Echo would repeat “…so beautiful”, when he said “I love you”, she would say, “…love you”. Narcissus leant forward to kiss the lips in the reflection, fell in and drowned. A white flower grew there, named narcissus after him. Echo faded away.
A narcissist is someone who is self-centred and lacking in empathy. Narcissists are needy and demanding, often grandiose and envious. Underneath their selfish behaviour they may feel emptiness and despair. They often seek refuge in addiction. Nothing is enough for them. Their long-suffering partners are usually co-dependent victims, martyrs or rescuers who adapt in order to fit in with the narcissist’s imperious needs or risk his rage. They have no voice and can only reflect back like a mirror.
Narcissus was a handsome young man who was loved by the nymph Echo. She pined away so much for him that all that was left was her plaintive voice, which could only repeat what she heard. One day she followed him to a pool in a clearing. Narcissus saw his reflection in the pool and fell in love. When he said, “you’re so beautiful”, Echo would repeat “…so beautiful”, when he said “I love you”, she would say, “…love you”. Narcissus leant forward to kiss the lips in the reflection, fell in and drowned. A white flower grew there, named narcissus after him. Echo faded away.
A narcissist is someone who is self-centred and lacking in empathy. Narcissists are needy and demanding, often grandiose and envious. Underneath their selfish behaviour they may feel emptiness and despair. They often seek refuge in addiction. Nothing is enough for them. Their long-suffering partners are usually co-dependent victims, martyrs or rescuers who adapt in order to fit in with the narcissist’s imperious needs or risk his rage. They have no voice and can only reflect back like a mirror.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
Making Babies with IVF
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Tuesday 19 November 2009 14:43 GMT London
Fertility treatment is improving thanks to the continuing efforts of the experts in the field. But success is still by no means guaranteed. Current success rates from the statistics from the dozen top clinics average out as follows:
Fertility treatment is improving thanks to the continuing efforts of the experts in the field. But success is still by no means guaranteed. Current success rates from the statistics from the dozen top clinics average out as follows:
- Women age under 35 - 37%
- Age 35 to 37 - 31%
- Age 38 to 39 - 27%
- Age 40 to 42 - 13%
This medicalisation of conception with its cycles of hope and despair is far removed from loving sex. The effect on a couple can be devastating, with feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, loss and bereavement, continuing uncertainty and failure. Despite our high expectations of cutting edge science we can’t always get what we want.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
'In Treatment'
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Tuesday 10 November 2009 10:37 GMT London
'In Treatment' is an American TV drama series about a psychotherapist and four of his clients. He falls in love with the beautiful younger one, picks a fight with the one who is having an affair with her, rescues a teenage girl from a suicide attempt. The fourth one starts a miscarriage on his sofa. His wife is being unfaithful and he’s neglecting his children. It certainly is drama, but is it therapy?
The therapy room should be a safe haven, a space where you can explore difficult and painful experiences and express your feelings. The therapist should be attentive, respectful and non-judgemental. He or she does not give advice but helps you make your own choices and decisions and manage change if that is what you want. The rules are clear, confidentiality is a must, the practitioner should adhere to a professional code of ethics. Therapy can’t “fix” your problems but it can help you work towards your own solutions.
'In Treatment' is an American TV drama series about a psychotherapist and four of his clients. He falls in love with the beautiful younger one, picks a fight with the one who is having an affair with her, rescues a teenage girl from a suicide attempt. The fourth one starts a miscarriage on his sofa. His wife is being unfaithful and he’s neglecting his children. It certainly is drama, but is it therapy?
The therapy room should be a safe haven, a space where you can explore difficult and painful experiences and express your feelings. The therapist should be attentive, respectful and non-judgemental. He or she does not give advice but helps you make your own choices and decisions and manage change if that is what you want. The rules are clear, confidentiality is a must, the practitioner should adhere to a professional code of ethics. Therapy can’t “fix” your problems but it can help you work towards your own solutions.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
Retail Therapy or Shopping Addiction?
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Tuesday 3 November 2009 16:36 GMT London
Shopping is one of our major leisure activities, we live in a rich country where consumerism reigns supreme. There is a feelgood factor in walking down the street with a glossy branded carrier bag, it gives us gratification, entitlement and status. Shopping reinforces our sense of identity, and confirms our sense of worth. First we focus on the chase, on finding the right item. Then there is the ritual of paying, usually with a magic plastic card. Afterwards we get the satisfaction of success, the feeling of reward, like winning a prize.
Shopping can resemble bulimia when this behaviour becomes a repeated compulsion with only temporary relief. One experiences a pleasurable feeling of anticipation, the rush of an adrenalin surge, an endorphin high, a feeling of satisfaction and relief. However this may be followed by feelings of disappointment and let-down, guilt and shame, emptiness and anxiety. Then one starts all over again. That is addiction.
Shopping is one of our major leisure activities, we live in a rich country where consumerism reigns supreme. There is a feelgood factor in walking down the street with a glossy branded carrier bag, it gives us gratification, entitlement and status. Shopping reinforces our sense of identity, and confirms our sense of worth. First we focus on the chase, on finding the right item. Then there is the ritual of paying, usually with a magic plastic card. Afterwards we get the satisfaction of success, the feeling of reward, like winning a prize.
Shopping can resemble bulimia when this behaviour becomes a repeated compulsion with only temporary relief. One experiences a pleasurable feeling of anticipation, the rush of an adrenalin surge, an endorphin high, a feeling of satisfaction and relief. However this may be followed by feelings of disappointment and let-down, guilt and shame, emptiness and anxiety. Then one starts all over again. That is addiction.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
'UP' Up and Away
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Tuesday 27 October 2009 14:09 GMT London
This feelgood Disney/Pixar 3D movie is the literally uplifting story of a grumpy old widower and a lonely boy who take flight in a house tied to hundreds of helium balloons in search of Paradise Falls in South America. The old man, who shared this lifetime dream with his much-loved wife, is facing the loss of his house to greedy property developers and enforced removal to an old folks’ home. The naïve but resolute boy is collecting Scout badges. After many adventures involving a hero turned baddie, an evil pack of talking dogs and a giant multicoloured mother bird, the old man and the boy come back down to earth happier and wiser.
This delightful and magical film is also the story of a journey both mythical and psychological. It’s never too late to follow your dream but life doesn’t always conform to our expectations. Paradise Falls is set among barren rocks in hostile territory. The old man has to drag his house over cliffs and canyons. In order to take off again he has to throw out his old baggage, both literally and metaphorically. There are battles to be fought and fears to be conquered, which require courage and fortitude in unexpected situations. This poignant and sweet adventure story speaks to us all.
This feelgood Disney/Pixar 3D movie is the literally uplifting story of a grumpy old widower and a lonely boy who take flight in a house tied to hundreds of helium balloons in search of Paradise Falls in South America. The old man, who shared this lifetime dream with his much-loved wife, is facing the loss of his house to greedy property developers and enforced removal to an old folks’ home. The naïve but resolute boy is collecting Scout badges. After many adventures involving a hero turned baddie, an evil pack of talking dogs and a giant multicoloured mother bird, the old man and the boy come back down to earth happier and wiser.
This delightful and magical film is also the story of a journey both mythical and psychological. It’s never too late to follow your dream but life doesn’t always conform to our expectations. Paradise Falls is set among barren rocks in hostile territory. The old man has to drag his house over cliffs and canyons. In order to take off again he has to throw out his old baggage, both literally and metaphorically. There are battles to be fought and fears to be conquered, which require courage and fortitude in unexpected situations. This poignant and sweet adventure story speaks to us all.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
Celebrity Culture
Carol Martin-Sperry
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Wednesday
21 October 2009 16:55 GMT London
Many
people aspire to becoming famous and look up to celebrities such as
soap stars, rock stars and footballers as role models. Yet as role
models they can be both good and bad, which reflects the behaviour of
ordinary people. Unlike the celebrities of the 40s and 50s who were
put on a pedestal, today’s stars come across as ordinary people who
happen to have become famous. That is part of the attraction, if they
can do it so can we, we can identify with them.
In
the age of instant global communication, the internet and mobile
phones that are also cameras, every aspect of a celebrity’s
lifestyle and behaviour is available in real time, there is no hiding
place. This tantalising availability tempts us into believing that
our dreams and fantasies can be fulfilled. Media gossip gives us the
feeling of belonging to their world, the opportunity to have
something in common that we can all share. It gives us a quick
connection, something to talk about. And when celebrities crash, we
are thankful that it wasn’t us.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
When Someone You Love Kills Themselves
rscpp.co.uk Tuesday 13 October 2009 11:19 GMT London
Matt Lucas’ ex-partner Kevin McGee has committed suicide and he is understandably devastated. Their civil partnership was celebrated in December 2006 but their union was dissolved in January this year, citing Kevin McGee’s unreasonable behaviour. Bereavement is hard enough in normal circumstances. But when a partner, relative or close friend commits suicide there are additional emotions to deal with.
Along with shock and sadness there may well be overwhelming feelings of responsibility, guilt and anger. Those left behind may think that it could have been prevented and that they have failed in some way. There can also be an irrational but terrible fear that it may be inherited or “catching”. If they could do it maybe I could too. But ultimately the decision was theirs, we should not be held responsible for other people’s choices.
Those left behind may forgive but may not forget, the scars remain.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
War Wounds
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Tuesday 6 October 2009 14:15 GMT London
In the 20th Century it was called shellshock, now it is identified as PTSD. Young men are returning from Afghanistan broken and shattered, witnesses and victims of mutilating explosive devices. Back home not all of them recover. Severe trauma can lead to addiction, aggression and violence, which in turn can result in prison sentences, inability to work, divorce, homelessness and finally suicide or a life in ruins.
Group therapy in the UK was founded after the second world war and was successfully used as an approach to treating ex-combatants with PTSD. Soldiers are trained to be brave and fearless. Breaking down and needing help comes with shame, guilt and a sense of failure and hopelessness. Yet peer group therapy can provide a containing and safe space where they can share common experiences and feelings and find understanding, validation and acceptance.
But first the stigma of therapy needs to be overcome.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
A Case of Addiction? - 'FlashForward'
Episode 1 - Monday 28 September 2009 21.00 GMT on Five
Episode 1 - Monday 28 September 2009 21.00 GMT on Five
Richard Snowdon
Richard Snowdon
rscpp.co.uk Friday 2 October 2009 08:36 GMT London
The first episode of 'FlashForward' hooked viewers with a mystery. An unknown event caused the world's population to blackout and visualise their lifes six months in the future. Like many American films, 'FlashForward' played into the USA's anxieties about national threats, and the global need for a great mystery to answer human problems. FBI Agent Mark Benford, eager to solve the mass blackout mystery and save humankind, has another problem.
Mark is a recovering alcoholic. During the mass blackout, he visualised himself drinking in the future, but the causes of his past drinking, and whether he had alcohol induced blackouts are also mysteries. Alcoholics often have histories of anxiety, depression, stress or trauma. Why do you think Mark drank? His wife Dr. Olivia Benford visualised herself having an affair - a common reality for many. Is this a clue to Mark's addiction? 'FlashForward' will have you hooked.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
The first episode of 'FlashForward' hooked viewers with a mystery. An unknown event caused the world's population to blackout and visualise their lifes six months in the future. Like many American films, 'FlashForward' played into the USA's anxieties about national threats, and the global need for a great mystery to answer human problems. FBI Agent Mark Benford, eager to solve the mass blackout mystery and save humankind, has another problem.
Mark is a recovering alcoholic. During the mass blackout, he visualised himself drinking in the future, but the causes of his past drinking, and whether he had alcohol induced blackouts are also mysteries. Alcoholics often have histories of anxiety, depression, stress or trauma. Why do you think Mark drank? His wife Dr. Olivia Benford visualised herself having an affair - a common reality for many. Is this a clue to Mark's addiction? 'FlashForward' will have you hooked.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.
Film Therapy - 'The Soloist'
Carol Martin-Sperry
rscpp.co.uk Tuesday 29 September 2009 16:00 GMT London
'The Soloist' is a film about the true story of a gifted schizophrenic musician living on Skid Row in Los Angeles and the well-intentioned journalist who tries to rescue him. Steve, concerned with the violent and degrading conditions that Nathaniel (and 90,000 homeless people in Los Angeles) lives in, wants to get him off the streets and into the concert hall. But Nathaniel does not fit into Steve’s neat plan to have him hospitalised, diagnosed, and medicated.
As with schizophrenia, there is no happy Hollywood ending. There is the sublime transcendence of Beethoven’s symphonies, in contrast to the dark frightening voices in Nathaniel’s head, the healing power of music and the redemptive power of love. 'The Soloist' de-stigmatises mental illness through compassion and respect for a person's dignity, and shows that a trusting and committed relationship with a secure enough attachment is at the basis of all therapy.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article please find and contact a therapist.